


Stupid Shenanigans

by WavesOver



Series: Tales of Esmia [10]
Category: Fruits Basket, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Aino Minako Craziness, Apple Magician Girl, Ataru is the unofficial protagonist, Berry Magician Girl, Chocolate Magician Girl - Freeform, Duke's just plain horny for everyone, Gen, Hatori sis not sign up for this, Humor, Kiwi Magician Girl, Lemon Magician Girl, Minako's a dumbass, Panther Warrior, Ranma is a dumbass, and me just having fun with these characters, heaven help him, hinted couples, many charaters will be tagged, mostly focusing on 'minor' characters or background characters from 'The Dragon Knight', silly silly story, the silly moment in between serious battles, this story is all about fleshing out the events of the war, those that apper more then once in the character tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 6,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WavesOver/pseuds/WavesOver
Summary: Moments of dumbassery that happen in the war.Happens during the war inThe Dragon Knight, mostly focusing on everyonebutthe main characters from that... with one exception.
Series: Tales of Esmia [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561237
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	1. The Consequences of Unprotected Sex.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, for anyone wondering what this is, it's part of a Christmas surprise to mark off the year (and give an outlet to myself in these terrifying times) where I post a one-shot for this collection every odd numbered day of the month. What's going to appear on the even days?
> 
> Hehehe, well you'll just have to wait for tomorrow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’d think for a doctor, he’d know better?

He supposes that it was inevitable that all the stress from everything going on would end up getting to him. All the fighting going on. Akito’s delicate health. The fact stress of trying to keep the national secret that their king had more in common with the soon to be crowned Queen Serenity the Second than she would ever want to admit (he even thinks privately that between the two of them, it was Serenity that was the more mature of the two). So it was no surprise to him that he found himself in his dragon form during one of his trips to the medical tent set up for all the wounded and sick.

He looked around, checking if anyone saw him. Nope, no one.

He sighed. At least _that_ didn’t happen.

He got up the ground and flew, not wanting anyone to see him in this state. Yes, their Esmian allies have dragons as well, but they have a well-documented reason for their curse, where as _their_ family curse is only known to the higher nobility and all the families that were elevated due to their child being affected.

It’s better if he just tries to fly off some of this stress then stick around. He then hears the roar of other dragons nearby.

He goes to leave…. But then a scent hits him. A dark, heady scent that makes him lose all parts of his rational mind.

He awakes three weeks later, bruised and sore and without a clue how he got there.

*****

**_ Years later _ **

A knocking came to his door. He had just finished checking up on Akito, making sure that she’s healthy during her pregnancy, which is already stressful as it is, and is just outside, taking in the silence.

“Hey Tori.”

Scratch that. Now he has to deal with Shigure.

“What do you want?” he sighed, just wanting some quite before going back home and spending time with Kuni and Miyu.

“What? Can’t a guy just want to spend time with his best friend?” he said with his goofy grin on, as if he was unaware of the man he is underneath it all.

There were a few moments of silence before Shigure dropped the act.

“It’s just… how do you know if you’re good enough to be a parent?”

He took a few moments to answer, trying to find the proper way to say something he had been wondering himself.

“I guess… you just try and care for them. Give them love and support and make sure that they have the best chances possible. But you’d have to be extra careful with your child. It’s said that a poorly raised child would be a bad leader.”

Shigure nodded, aware of how much is on the table for him and Akito. (At least after it was revealed to most of the court, Akito stayed king, with Shigure just being king consort, a blessing if nothing else.)

They went back to the silence, each of them taking in the lovely sunny day and thinking about things to be. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he lets the day wash over him.

Then there was a thud. And shuffling.

He kept his eyes closed, no wanting to ruin the moment.

The shuffling came closer, turning into steps before he felt the presence of a body in front of him.

Shigure, for his part, made a gaff.

“Excuse me?”

He signed, wondering who it was and what did they want so badly that they came here for, before opening his eyes.

Only to see eyes much like his own stare back at him.

What?

He took in the person in front of him, a girl maybe, but then again there were more than a few people in his family with feminine features, with draconic wings on their back, something he never had in his dragon form, though the tail they had was much like his during that time in his life. Their skin was dark, but the wings and hair were a curious shade of purple, with a mix of his own feature mixed in with the unknown.

“I… I think you’re my father,” the youth said timidly, looking to the side in their anxious state.

He dropped his pipe.

Shigure, being who he is, let out a roaring, continuous stream of laughter at this, taking joy from his suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yessss, Hatori can turn into an actual dragon in this AU… and may have increased the genetic variation of the dragon population for years to come.  
> Hatori’s life is suffering.  
> Also, in case you’re wondering, Hatori’s dragon is more eastern, while those cursed by the Rose Rings are more Western in appearance. Hence the odd mismatch of features in the humanoid dragon in front of them. (Yes, they are still a dragon, both their parents were dragons when they were conceived.)


	2. DMG Squad and the Rolling Barrel of Doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The DMG squad are planning on their next plan of attack without their fearless leader. It does not go so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a silly, silly chapter focusing in on the squad of magic users that Mana heads. And she's considered the most rational... god save us.

The DMG squad were out in the dragon field, brainstorming ideas to help in the war effort while their leader is back in the castle.

“What if we made a ball? Not just any ball, but like a HUGE sticky ball that, you know, sicks them” Bacca brought up, the youngest of the squad, barely entering adulthood. Because of this, she was the one who teleported supplies to the battlefield, getting food transported, and even teleporting with important messages, somehow being immune to the effects that the teleportation spell had on living beings.

“But wouldn’t that also get our soldiers stuck?” Kivi pointed out, the most logical of the five there, often directing them to the best course of action when they commander wasn’t there. heck, they’ve seen Mana defer to her in some situation where she spoke up.

“How about an endless illusion, where they wander until they fall to their death,” Suklaa stated, particularly vengeful due the attack on her grandma’s place from Atlantean forces.

“No, that’ll take too much energy to maintain,” Seb, not taking the words seriously at all, dismissed.

It continued like that for a while, each of them making a suggestion only to get shot down… except one.

“Wait, where’s Citroen?”

They looked around for the blond mage, trying to find her, looking everywhere for her.

… Who was looking down upon a Terran camp, a barrel in hand.

She adjusted the barrel, putting her thumb up to line the camp with the barrel, finding the perfect position. And then kicked it.

The barrel then glowed, with each roll making it bigger and bigger, until it was almost as big as a dragon… and twice as solid as it flattens the enemy camp, with the warriors either running for their lives or another victim of the enlarged wood.

She dusts off her hands with a satisfied smile, going back to the rest and the relived arms of Seb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Berry Magician Girl (Bacca- berry in Italian)
> 
> Lemon Magician Girl (Citroen-Lemon in Dutch)
> 
> Apple Magician Girl (Seb-Apple in Hindi)
> 
> Chocolate Magician Girl (Suklaa-chocolate in Finnish)
> 
> Kiwi Magician Girl (Kivi-kiwi in Turkish)


	3. The Benefits of Curses: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are bound to be _some_ benefits into turning into a girl, right?

He was sitting by the fire, waiting for the kettle to heat up enough so he can dump it on and have a dick again. Fuck summer rain, with it’s clear skies and lack of warning. In fact, fuck his dad for going to a **cursed** hot spring and deciding that that was a good place to train. And fuck him for trying to get him engaged to every girl whose dad had something he wanted.

He poked at the fire with his stick, hoping that being around magic people so much will give him the ability to make this fire burn faster.

He senses a person next to him, but seeing as most of the warriors he fought here are stab first, take prisoners never, he doubts that he’s in any danger. No that he is when he’s fighting these guys, it’s just that he’s much more interested in the pot in front of him than any kid with dreams of glory and a spear in his hand.

“Whoo, talk about a storm, huh?”

He turned to see a guy with black hair and eyes of jade.

He must have thought he was interested because he then went and introduced himself.

“Duke. Duke Deviln, of House Otogi,” he extended his hand.

He turned back to the fire, perfectly content in ignoring him for the rest of the night.

“Sooo, I guess you’re one of those guys with a curse, huh?”

He kept his eyes on the fire.

“Hehe, at least yours has more an advantage, if you get my drift.”

He turned, staring him dead in the eye, because that’s just the stupidest thing he ever heard.

“I’m serious. You have the best of both worlds. A cock when you want and a pussy when you don’t,” Duke teased.

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly going around for dick you know,” he hissed back.

“Who said anything about dick,” he said, “Well besides your own. I’m talking about all those _lady romances_ that you hear about. You know, with the fingering, rubbing oysters, _multiple orgasms_.”

“What? No,” he shouted, face as red as his top.

“Hey, don’t know it til you try it,” he said, giving a perverted grin ‘n wink.

Tha-that can’t be true… _right_? and even _if_ it’s true, that doesn’t mean that Akane wil-

He gets up and goes to his tent. With Akane. His wife. Who traveled all this way with him even though she didn’t _have_ to. To ask her about this… thing.

He didn’t return to the fire. Not until morning. And by then the water had all dried up.

“So, how was last night?” the green-eye fool asked, his grin smug from all the _evidence_.

He gave a cocky grin back, “Wouldn’t _you_ like to know.”


	4. Hitting on the Wrong Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ataru + Haruka = pain for Ataru

He was hiding from Lum, trying to feed him some of that devilish concoction that leaves his mouth burning for days, when he spots _her_.

A beautiful figure in armor and pantaloons, her golden hair short and with a confident smirk as she practices her bladework. A more stupid man would mistake her for a man, but he was a man of culture, one who can spot a pretty girl under all sorts of dirt, grime, and masculine wear, case in point him finding out Ryuunosuke’s gender before the others even knew.

“Hey there,” he came out with a swagger in his step, propping himself on a tree.

She turns towards him, her face confused at the sight of him.

“It seems like the god’s gave us a warrior angel to fight alongside us, or am I mistake?” he said as he gave a leering smile.

She jerked her body his way before marching towards him, with a glare so strong it could melt rocks.

“If you ever come near me again, I won’t hesitate in cutting your head off, capisce?” the golden-hair woman hissed as she held her blade to his neck, ready to make her threat true at a moment’s notice.

He bobs his head, to terrified to do otherwise.

“Good,” as she retreats, her eyes glaring at him as she leaves.

He coughs, trying to recover from the fright, when Lum found him and gave him a shock-and-hug.

Jus his luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets hope he never goes near Akito and reveals _those_ secrets, huh?


	5. Fuzzy Balls of Doom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fruit weaponry, the new frontier.

Kasla was by no means stupid, no matter what the witch that cursed him thought. (Joke’s on her, he **_likes_** being a badass warrior with blades in his hand and a fluffy tail.) He knows his words, what fish there are and the best places to get them, all the gods and goddesses (even those from all the way in Terra), and he even knows about snow (no really interested to actual _be_ in snow, mind you, but he knows what it is and how it’s made). But the strange fuzzy rocks that his platoon-mate brought out that he _insists_ is a fruit is a whole other deal.

“The hell is that?” ask another member of their company, this one from Argentèe Lune, a girl with a deadly mace always by her side.

“Oh, this?” he says as he brings the fuzzy rock up for everyone to see, “This is a coconut. My family’s been growing them for years,” He finishes with a smile on his face.

Ah, he’s from Früchtekorb.

“That’s not a fruit! That’s a rock,“ someone else said.

“It is too a fruit. I just need to find something to crack it open... Maybe a rock?“

“What kind of _fruit_ needs a rock to open it?”

“Don’t know, how hard’s _your_ head?”

Squabbles turned heated as the different countrymen jab at each other while they wait for the enemy to show up.

A roar comes out, a signal from the dragon that joined them.

They all ready themselves for combat, scrambling for anything that could resemble a weapon.

Kasla spots the rocky fruit, seeing an enemy combatant rush at him before he made his decision.

He threw it full force at the first head without a helmet. It hit dead on, knocking the man out.

His eyes lit up with glee at his discovery, taking as many as he could hold before remembering everyone else around him and shoving some to the others, telling them to throw them at the charring enemy forces.

It was comical how effective they were, knocking out at least a battalion while the rest got their blades and spears to drive the few still standing back to their commanders.

As they laugh over the bodies of their foes, another member of the troop quickly hides the fruit that his own mother sent him. No one want to smell the results of a thrown durian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kasla= Panther Warrior, just so you know.
> 
> As for how a German-themed country has fruits like coconuts and durians, that is because the ‘god’ of the country uses his powers to create vast areas of land to grow all sorts of fruits and berries from all over the world. Granted, it’s not as great as how they would be in their native country, but they’re there, and a major reason why Früchtekorb imports most of their grains and vegtables.


	6. Everyone Loves Kazuma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you’re hot but also oblivious.

Kazuma sits by the campfire, taking in the flames as he rests from the battle they had, a skirmish where both sides somehow came out with no casualties. A miracle due to the rumored green stones that he has been hearing about from the other battalions.

“Hey, what has you so down?”

He turned to see a woman, one of the lieutenants from AL if he remembers correctly, sitting beside him.

“Just reflecting on the battle,” he answered back, his calming smile in place.

“Mmmh, yeah. Really disappointing we weren’t able to get any of those Terran dogs. Saaaay, do you go over to my tent for a bit of _strategic_ _planning_?” she looked back with hooded eyes.

“No, it’s been a long night. Take care,” he said as he left for his tent, unaware of the tick in the woman’s eyes.

****

“So do you want to go to the tavern?” a wide-eyed Esmian nobleman asked, his green eye eager for a drink.

“No thanks, I have a meeting with my son,” he replied, eager to see Kyo again.

He left, not noticing the downtrodden look of the boy he was talking to.

****

“Master?” Kyo asks as he leave a woman who he was escorting to camp, her calm demeanor a relief from the frantic foes he fought.

“Hm?”

“Who.. was that?” he asked with a queer look on his face, staring at her as she left to join her friend.

“Oh, that Hana. She’s a part of the curse division, helping out by sensing malicious intent and sending ill waves to any spies that are around. At least that’s what I think she does,” he confesses as he walks side-by-side with his adopted son, scratching his face in embarrassment.

“She… didn’t ask you anything weird, did she?”

“No, why?”

Kyo looks back at all the men and women looking at his master, looks of longing and lust evident in their gazes.

“No reason.”


	7. Minako and the Wrecking Ball of Doom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, just because you can doesn’t mean you _should_.

There were many things that Minako expected from war. Thrills. Chills. Pain. Excitement. Those were all things she expected.

Boredom was not one of them.

It was like… wait a bit, stab, stab, stab, run away and wait some more so you can stab again.

It like, yes there’s strategy but that’s all about formation and where to put mages and where to put archers and frankly that’s all Amy’s part and she doesn’t see why she should change anything from it.

If only she had a cool weapon.

Her eyes widen as she’s struck with an idea.

Oh, maybe she could…

She makes a glowing ball of metal, summons her golden chain, before focusing on fusing the two together.

Come on… come on…

“Captain?”

She opens her eyes to see that it worked, the two separate objects now one.

She gives her lieutenant a maniac grin as she starts swinging around the ball, the object lighter in her grip but only because she created it, judging by the velocity of the swings.

“I think I have a little treat for the boys tonight.”

****

The two armies were on the battlefield, weapons on the ready as they wait for the other, neither wanting to take the first blow, be the first to come in close, to be shot with arrows or magic, to test the field to see the traps underneath.

The wind blows as Captain Aino comes forth, her armor shining in the sunlight, as she concentrates her magic outward, objects forming in the air as her golden ball forms, then her golden chain, and then the two objects fuse, creating a large ball and chain, the object dropping to the ground as she smirks triumphantly, the weapon light in her grip.

She starts swinging it around, each rotation building up more and more power, the chain lengthening as it’s mistress’s command. Soon it was a tornado of pain, as she spun in time to give her weapon more power.

The weapon took out many of the combined Atlantean/Terran forces…. As well as half of her own battalion, the spinning soon out of the control of its creator.

****

He looked on as the feared golden goddess of battle, the one who struck fear in his companions’ heart… plow a straight line through the troops, hurting just as many of her own soldiers as his own.

If his time at the Crystal Palace hadn’t proved that Lady Aino of Venus was an idiot, this cemented it in his mind.


	8. The Benefits of Curses: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where Kyo’s terrifying monster form is useful for once.

It was an ambush when they caught him, recovering from the rain that been going on for the last week, tired and lethargic and all that other shit because of his stupid curse.

And of course they knew who he was. It was obvious from his fucking hair, that bright orange color that he inherited from his mom, the only thing he did really.

Story of his _fucking_ life.

“Hey, why’d ya think he’d out here like this?” one of the goons asked, looking down at their captive.

“Who knows? Perhaps we could even have some fun before we ransom him back,” one of the goons said as they pushed him up, his body still so slow from the _fucking_ rain.

“Oh, what’s this?” one of them said before he felt the beads he constantly had on slide away from his wrist, despite his pleas, his weak, pathetic pleas.

And when he felt the very last bead leave, he screamed to the heavens as his body was transformed, twisting into that ugly, horrible form he had to live with since the day he was born.

His assailants screamed in terror at the sight, with most of them puking at the horrible stench his other form had.

And when the transformation was done, he stood above them, a monster. A horrible, ugly monster that his own mother couldn’t love.

No shit they were frozen in fear, seeing this. Seeing him.

“Go away,” he growls, glaring at them.

They scream as they run for the hills, slipping on their vomit before they cleared the bushes.

He walks over to the fallen bracelet as the cowards run away, sliding the beads back on as his form changes from the monster to the man.

“Are you done?”

“AHHHHHH!”

He hung into the branch, glaring down at his asshole cousin.

“Fuck you!”

“No, I’d rather not.”

He loosened his hold onto the branch and fell to the ground, landing on his feet.

Fucking Yuki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random thing: Kyo’s hair is because of his maternal family’s tendencies for red heads. There have been many different hair colors for Zodiac members. In fact, one of the cats from the past who ran away had tri-colored hair, which spread to the general population, which explains how three separate people, unrelated by a minimum of at least five generations, have natural tri-colored hair.


	9. Cutting Knots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you’re so stupid, you do something smart.

It all started with a letter. Specifically, a letter from the front line.

Atem, Yugi, and Yami were sitting in a personal room, reading their individual reports in each other’s company, with the other’s presence giving an assurance that helps them power through the tedious paperwork, when one of the Kuribos, wearing a baby blue handkerchief around their neck with pink pokie dots, came in and gave Yami a letter.

“Oh, thank you Kuribo,” Yami said to the servant, who bowed before leaving.

He turned around to see Atem givin him a look.

“What?” he asked, looking like a child who just found out that you’re not suppose to say hi to every person you see.

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s just, you know, the fact you just went and called Merribo by her family name, never mind the fact that most of the people here are _from_ the Kuribo clan,” Atem said, giving a tight grin.

“They’re servants, they don’t care about that sort of thing,” he says as if that’s the most obvious thing in the world, “And in any case, they are _still_ Kuribo, no matter their personal designation.”

“Designation. Designation?!? Do you even hear yourself _speak_?” Atem hissed, his eyes narrowed.

“I don’t see what the problem is, they’re happy to work here, with you, or did you forget you’re king?” he said dismissively, not noticing the tick Atem had.

And while Atem and Yami argue behind her, Atem for the servant he misnamed and Yami the ease of one who lived his entire life with servants at his beck and call, she can’t help but think it ironic that Yami, though his own upbringing, managed to circumvent the mischief of the Kuribo clan, including the Kuribo who was _defiantly_ not Merribo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to use this to show that unlike Atem and Yugi, who grew up as ‘peasants’, Yami was raised as a nobleman’s son, complete with servants and an understanding on one’s position in life.


	10. Two Sneaks Recognize Their Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When someone’s so like you, you either like them or hate them. This is the hatin’ time.

It was a sunny day when the two of them met, a peaceful, calm day that somehow had no battles. The silly, carefree mage was milling around the tents, bored without the fiery ninja there to tease, listening on all the gossip and rumors and even adding a few in himself, when he had bumped into _him_ , one of the closest advisors to the black king, the loyal dog to his ruler, the sly water hound who would smile as he stabs you in the back. Shigure Sohma.

“Oh, hello there,” he said sweetly, a big goofy grin on his face, “It seems like my feet had somehow knocked me right into you.”

“Oh no,” Shigure said in time, and equally big grin on his face, “It seems like my mind has wandered so much, it didn’t even know to move when it needed to.”

“Ah, well, let me be the first to apologize, if nothing else,” he replied, bowing with a flourish.

“Oh, you’re too kind. Now, let me get _you_ a drink for your troubles, that is where you were going, right?” he asked with a glint in his eyes.

“Oh yes, that’s the place to be,” he replied as they walked to the tavern to have a few rounds, which Shigure insisted on paying.

They laughed and cheered and had so much fun the whole night through, so when he was finally able to leave, he was as drunk as a scunk. Scant? Cat? Skunk? Skunk.

And as soon as the flap from his tent closed, his eyes grew cold, because this bitch was his kind, the sneaky kind whose smile hides the poison underneath. The worst kind of person.

How troublesome.

Fai left soon after, a smile on his face, and a burning desire to stab that arrogant prick in his heart.

****

“It seems you had a nice time last night,” Hatori said listlessly, saying it less because he wants to know but more to continue the conversation.

“Oh yes, I had a nice time at the local tavern. Something, something, Wveny thing. I swear they have the best wine around. Well, after the home supply, of course,” he answered with a wink.

“And Fai?”

“Oh, I loathe him,” Shigure said with a chirp, the same easy smile on his face as he had when he talked to the blond mage.

Hatori shook his head.

“And that’s because…”

“It’s simple really,” he said, turning fully to Hatori as he explained, “He’s another me, and frankly, there’s only enough room for one me at any given point.”

Tori stared at him and he almost wished that Aya was there to be his springboard.

“You really are a despicable man,” he mutters as he shakes his head.

He grins at that.

“Right on the money!”


	11. Three Accounts of Doppelgangers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We sure do have a lot of people who look alike, huh?

There was another argument between the Duke of Kemet and Kaiba. An almost daily occurrence whenever the two are in the same area.

It’s almost funny. They try to avoid each other the best they could, but somehow they are like magnets of misery who keep drawing in each other, each attempt to separate them just brings them into conflict faster.

Joey and Honda were watching the latest argument, the meaning lost to even them.

He doesn’t know who to cheer for. On one hand, it’s _Kaiba_. Of course, he’s not a big fan of Seth, especially since he decided to bring his baby sister into his marriage like some kind of fucking toy.

“Isn’t it weird how many duplicates here?” Honda asked.

He turned to his bud.

“Da heck ya mean?” he asked, the two brunets yelling turning becoming a white noise in the background.

“Well,” he started, putting his hands between his legs, “We have the king and Yami, Lord Bakura and Afekia, and _these two_ ,” he finished, gesturing in general to the two noblemen, who started fist-fighting each other.

“Oh yeah… wonder what they feelin’ ‘bout da other?” he asked, getting up and walking with Honda down the hall, as some guards tried their best to get the two apart behind them, to little success.

“Well, we know _them_ , and the gods know how Yami and his highness are _still_ oblivious to how they feel about each other, so that really leaves Afekia and Lord Bakura,” he muses, as they continue walking, going about their self-appointed task.

***

They first went to the rooms where Lord Bakura was staying at, here just as much for his fuckbuddy Ishtar as he was for Ryou, whom he’d somehow related to, more or less be siblings with. Not that there’s any doubt from the way he treats her. Hell, he’s even somewhat _sweet_ with her.

And that’s a lot coming from one of the most intimidating, cunning lords that he’s ever met.

He takes a deep breath trying to center himself as he tries to thin-

“Hey, Bakura! What’d ya think ‘bout dat spy guy?” Joey shouts, getting straight to the point.

He give Joey a look of disbelief before turning to the lord, who was giving them a frosty grin.

“While I’m not terribly fond of either of the dragon lords,” Lord Bakura said, making his contempt clear to any who listened, “You would find that the spy master that our king has chosen is one of the most loathsome, ill-mannered individuals I ever had the misfortune of meeting.”

“Eh? Den what ‘bout that time ya-“

“Thank you _so_ much for answering our question, my lord. We’ll leave you to your pleasure,” he said as he backed up out of the room, his hand firmly on Joey’s mouth as they leave, narrowly avoiding time with his _amor_ and his _lovely_ personality, thought he’s still going to have nightmares of the look of loathing that he gave them for the rest of his days.

***

The spy master was trickier, but only because he was setting up ‘traps’ he set up to keeps his skill sharp for the festive months. (They were pranks. Good pranks, but still pranks)

They had found him in the study room, a place that Lord Bakura just so happened to take as a place to drink his teas in the afternoon.

He gave a cough, loud enough to get Afekia’s attention.

He turned, giving them a look that half way between a ‘hurry it up, I have better things to do’ and a ‘who are you to tell _me_ what to do?’, though he was still fastening the bucket on top of the door.

“Sooooo,” Honda starts, more comfortable speaking with the guy because he’s a good ass spy, “How do you feel about Lord Bakura?”

The glare intensified, to a ‘you better shut up before I stab you’ look.

“Fuck that smug ass bitch,” the spy master said, eating a head of garlic like an apple, “The only reason I haven’t stabbed him in the fucking guts is because Ryou’s his sister.”

He then tested the ridging a few more times before jumping, sneaking behind the armor as the door fully opens.

The spy master cackled as the lord is drenched in water, who looked less like a charming lord and more like a drowned cat.

“… da heck did he get that garlic clove?” Joey asked, as if _that’s_ the weirdest thing about that.

He faceplams.

***

He leans on Hermos as he tells him of his day, his and Honda’s mini quest, and the way that all three duplicates have such extreme feelings to the guys that have the same face.

“Glad I don’t gotta deal with dat,” he grins looking up to the sky.

Hermos looks away, wondering if he should tell Joey that _he_ looks like Joey back when he was human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The difference between the two Bakura’s is that one(Lord Bakura) has the poshness that the British accent gave him in the dub, while the other is as rough and rude as he was in the original Japanese version.


	12. Impossible Odds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That bad luck was bound to backfire onto the enemy _some_ time.

Ataru ducked underneath a wooden slab, trying to get away from the chaos around him. Shit, why did he have to come today of all days?

He looks around trying to spot the guys who were doing this, so he can run the opposite way. (Some may say he’s a coward. He, on the other hand, wants to live.)

Suddenly the wood was lifted, and him with it.

“Well, well, well, what have we here?”

He looks up to see, not one, not two, but _three_ stone wielders.

Shit.

“Looks like some degenerate from the land of such, huh guys?” the shortest says, his blue eyes shining with malevolent energy.

“And what do you suppose we should do to our… _friend_ here?”

“I say we make him an example,” the middle one said, his red hair cut short as he glared down at him.

“O-hhhh? In what way? Should we tear out his spine, and hang his head like a pike, or pull out his intestines and write a message? Ooo what about-“

“Stop it,” the tallest of them spoke, a muscley guy with short blond hair and piercing blue eyes, authority in his voice as he looks down on him, “We don’t _need_ to do that. The rest of the field is example enough.”

“Oh, then what’s one more?” Short blue said, taking things _far_ too easily for his liking.

“You’re thinking too small, _Valon_. If you _really_ want to send a message, we should break his legs, then his arms, and leave him here to starve, with his last words being a warning and a chance for surrender,” Grey eyes said, frightening him to his very core.

“…Damn, Alister, That’s cold.”

“And pointless. We can just leave him to the dogs, for all I care.”

“Oh, don’t you go being all high and mighty _Raphael_.”

They started shouting, ignoring him.

Good.

He crawls through the mud, trying to get away, and he was able to do so… for about a meter.

“Hey, stop. He’s getting away!”

He went into a dash, moving his legs as fast as they could.

But they were too fast, the stones increasing their speed by a frightening amount…

Unfortunately for them, what they had in power, they lacked in coordination.

You see, Valon, wanting to see the fear on Ataru’s face, ran to the front of him. Alister, fueled by his own personal tragedies, went to the side, hopping to tackle him. and Raphael just ran forward, going the most direct way possible.

All three stone users crash into each other, their stones breaking from the amount of force in the blow… and him along with it.

He passed out from all the pain, wanting to see Lum’s face one last time.

****

Which he did. Oh gods, how he did…

Every single centimeter of him _hurts_! He’s not sure if it’s the grace of the gods, or a cruel trick that let him live… but he is.

Lum’s eyes slowly opened from their rest, her hand still gripping on to his own, and he can’t help the warmth in his heart when he saw her eye brighten with joy.

“Yay, darling you did it! You defeated the creepy stone users,” Lum squealed as she wrapped her arms around her beloved.

“Then why do I feel so shitty,” Ataru mutters, his body smushed and battered and feeling less the hero and more like an old battered horse that has been ridden too long.


	13. The Benefits of Curses: Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s always best to have spies where you least expect them.

Soldiers walk around the camp, talking about nothing and everything, of plans of attack and what they’re going to do once they go home. Each conversation so small and yet reveals so much, their hopes and dreams, their weaknesses and fears, what lines they are willing to cross and how much the see their foes on the other side as human, all of this spoken with a care in the world, so assured they are of their place.

Unnoticed to them all, a band rats ran through the camp, hearing it all. Hearing and noting. Noticing… remembering.

They leave in random intervolves, running through forests and creeks, braving predators big and small as they bring their news, eager to please the _special one_.

******

Yuki walks away from camp, not feeling comfortable with the way the other soldiers seem to _click_ with no problem… not like him.

He hears a squeak and looks down, seeing a small grey rat looking up to him adoringly.

He picks up the rat and gives it a pet, giving it a small piece of bread as the rat starts chittering away all it had learned from the enemy camp.


	14. Ninja Fails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane’s spying is interrupted by a certain annoying mage.

He stared down at the enemy generals, their focus on the map in front of them. He was too far away to hear any of the words but their actions more than gave him an idea about what they were planning to do.

He readied his darts ready to strike them down so the others would be left without command.

He took a deep breath, brought the tube to his mouth, and then…

“Kuro-tree! What are you doing up here?” shouted the obnoxious blond that had somehow attached himself to his own person.

Damn it, Fai!

He leaps out of the tree with the annoyance as the men in the tent rushed out to find him.

“I’m going to stab you,” he shouts as they evade capture.

“With what object?” the idiot teased, giving him a suggestive look that he knows _pisses_ him off.

“Don’t you even start,” he growls as Fai runs off ahead, making an ice sheet to deter their pursuers.

He swears this idiot’s gonna be the death of him.


	15. A Commander Fails to Recognize His Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pride cometh before the fall.

Lieutenant Mendou of the Terran fourth battalion looks down on his troops, the ragtag group that he had trained to perfection, especially when he got rid of that slacker Ataru in some security detail. A perfect squad to take down their corrupt enemies, those who stand in the way of his glory.

He looks upon the battle, at the smaller army that dares to face him and his men, armed with the best swords that money could find, with armor to match.

He was sure that victory was smiling upon him.

****

It…. did not go so well.

Mendou stares in the sky in a catatonic state as he tries to comprehend the devastation of his troop.

It didn’t even last an hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feh, it's short, but it gets the job done.


	16. Juggling swords

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol plus bored soldiers equals terrible, stupid ideas.

The moon was high as Zoru looks up at the moon, his mind not as sharp due to the many, many drinks that they had to celebrate the victory that day.

The rest of them were talking to each other, sharing stories both daring and dumb, from the time that Dave managed to crack open a stone from thirty miles away, to the first time Gaia rode a horse, to how Pelagia managed to seduce the bored wife of a foreign merchant before fighting through a thousand men, with Eliz calling her out on her bullshit.

All this comradery was brightening his heart, allowing his closely guarded past to slip out a piece of itself from its cell.

“I grew up in a traveling mistral show,” he muttered, still woozy from drink.

They all stared at him, unuse to him speaking so boldly before laughing.

“Hahaha, good one, Zoru, really got us there,” one of them said, though his head was too woozy to figure out who.

“I’m not joking.”

There was a pause, before a voice cut through.

“Oh yeah? Prove it!”

He glared out, not knowing who said it but glaring all the same, before he got up and went to his sword.

He takes the blade and starts tossing it in the air, each rotation catching the magic of the moon in them, the others egging him on. He then adds his own blade and the moon is pleased with his display, as well as his fellow companions.

Liali tosses his own blade in, the blade different from his own, but he was able to adjust to it well enough, the magicked blade sending sparks of fire at the tip of the arch.

Soon others add their blades into his act, one of the swords from Xian, another from Gaia, and even Pelagia parted from her blade to add to the pile being juggled.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” a voice shouted.

It brought him out of the zone, each blade falling to the ground, bladeside down for reasons unknown. Perhaps magic?

Ataru gulped, looking down on the blade that had almost cut off his head… and the one that _did_ bring down the spy sent to their camp.

Zoru fell asleep soon after, odd dreams playing out in his head as he slept it off.

He was quite confused the next day when all spoke of his skills juggling skills… how did they hear that? He never told anyone about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zoru- Black Luster Solider
> 
> Liali- Flame Swordsman
> 
> Dave- Celtic Guardian
> 
> Gaia- Gaia the Frierce Knight
> 
> Pelagia- Amazoness Swords Woman
> 
> Eliz- Amazoness Chain Master
> 
> To ring in the New Year, see these fools toss swords into the air while sloshed.
> 
> Hope you have a Happy New Year and stay safe in the coming year.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this and I hope you have a nice day and stay safe.


End file.
